you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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