I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I love you.
Bad choice
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
