True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
