Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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