the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
