Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize