its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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