just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
you inspire me to be a worse person
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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