fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
