um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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