So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
