Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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