The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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