Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
