everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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