Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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