Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
