umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
