he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
