the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
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And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
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apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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