im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
People in love make me want to vomit
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
