I'm really into asian looking animals
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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