yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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