I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
