I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
even my farts smell like vagina
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
