Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
