At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
