she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
