No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
