You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
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For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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