Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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