Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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