OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
