He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
