Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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