She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
