a queef is a wish your heart makes.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
