Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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