I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
