I think I won the penis lottery.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
there was a trapeze. enough said
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize