phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
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It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
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I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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