Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
