I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
