evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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