It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
