they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
