just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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