Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
