I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
