Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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