we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
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There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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