i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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