shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I need to stop coming to work sober
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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