Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
