I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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