Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
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Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
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Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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