McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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