Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You ruined the universe
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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