You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
