fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
