we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
