i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
