I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
