i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
