Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
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He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
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You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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