i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
