Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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