He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
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we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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