Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
