The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
