i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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