Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
