I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
COCAINE IS GR8
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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