THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
