no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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