the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
