She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
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Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
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You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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