My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
