I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
