she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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