So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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